I want something new. I’m eager for a change I know I won’t recieve for lack of being able to find out what it is, and where to find it. My life at the moment seems confusing, only to myself, of course. Maybe it’s another part of growing up, I take it alot of that has gradually been happeninh throughout the years. I guess I missed that…as far as I’m concerned, I’m a nine year old kid with a (considering the said age) large vocabulary and pessimistic outlook on life. I’ve been upset knowing that our purpose in life really does in all actuality come down to reproducting, or so it seems. There is definitely much more to that story, and much more I would at another time rant about before my blog ends up like a piece of Tolkein writing, all off subject and what not. I’ll have written bullshit, held a job, relationship, and possible family (in the very far from now future). My life will be a long shot less than impressive, as if it matters, and I will die before I know it. It seems impossible to live simply, and without obligations. I’ve come to hate obligations. Maybe I’m lazy, maybe I’m just tired of commitment. As it’s been said over and over again, the grass is always greener on the other side. Humans are never satisfied, I know I’m not. I am sitting in Pat’s basement, it’s 3:51 am. I can never sleep, but would possibly like to due to the cold. It’s been a moderately god day spending my company with Pat and his wacky (for lack of a better, at this moment, word- please forgive me) and perverted friends. Yes, the word cock is hillarious. You have a cock, that is thrilling. The word buttsex has to be the best word in the english dictionary…I don’t think that terminology is even in there. It’s like hanging out with eighth grade boys and Blink 182 tapes. What am I saying, I’m guilty of laughing. I wrote an email to a website asking for advice concerning an unresolved medical issue. This was a help website for people suffering from disautonomia. Disautonomia is linked to dermographism (my skin tribulation), stomach issues, and various anemia symptoms including fatigue and random migraines. These physical disturbances are all effects of a neurological disorder caused by anxiety and linked with depression. It seems as though I’ve found a word to lump all of my continual health issues into, disautonomia. She wrote back with a few specialists’ names in the Jacksonville, Florida area that I may contact..a few who even accept Medicaid, imagine that! She wanted to call and speak to me of the symptoms in person, but I would have rather waited until I had a moment to myself, as I find the issue somewhat embarrassing. I think I might want to lay down. Pat was in a sour mood earlier for some ungodly reason, and I’m tired of being awake.
